Author Matthew Doebler\u2019s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Besides this, a general leadership principle is: \u00a0don\u2019t expect your mentees (or church members or employees) to do what you are not willing to do.\u00a0 If you aren\u2019t willing to be mentored or cannot make time to be mentored in some way, it is not really fair to expect mentees to do it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

More important, remember what we learned about spiritual deception before:\u00a0 because of our devious sinful natures, we often convict ourselves when we need to be comforted and comfort ourselves when we need to be convicted.\u00a0 Brothers and sisters can serve as the hands, ears, and voice of Christ in our lives by convicting us with the law, comforting us with the gospel, helping us fulfill our callings, and charging us up by reminding us of God\u2019s promises.<\/p>\n

This does not necessarily mean you must add another person to your influencer circle.\u00a0 It may be that you already have a mentor.\u00a0 You may not call him\/her \u201cmentor;\u201d maybe you call him\/her a \u201ccoach,\u201d \u201cpastor,\u201d \u201cconfessor,\u201d or \u201cfriend.\u201d\u00a0 You may not have a formal arrangement with him\/her.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter; the important thing is having someone who does for you what a gospel-centered mentor does.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n

What to Look for in Your Mentor<\/h3>\n
Whether you currently have a mentor or not, it is important to know what you are looking for in a mentor.\u00a0 First, choose someone who is gospel-centered, of course\u2014someone whose words, attitudes, and personality are clearly governed by the gospel, not the law.[1]<\/a>\u00a0 If this person never points you to the cross and resurrection of Christ or rarely encourages you with God\u2019s promises but only convicts you or pushes you toward obedience, this is not the mentor for you.\u00a0 Choose someone who will let the gospel predominate your conversations together.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Second, choose a mentor who is willing to challenge you\u2014no \u201cyes man\u201d, no one who only encourages and comforts you even when you are being a horrible, self-deluded fool.\u00a0 Many mentors get uncomfortable asking difficult questions after a few meetings with their mentees, while the mentees get uncomfortable answering the difficult questions.\u00a0 In these situations, mentor and mentee sometimes end up discussing everything except our own desperate need for God\u2019s grace and the marvelous grace God has showered upon us through Jesus.\u00a0 Learning to rest in Christ more fully and reflect him more faithfully gets replaced with discussing coworkers, spouses, children, theology, culture, politics\u2014you name it.\u00a0 Choose a mentor who serves you with law and gospel.\u00a0 There are plenty of venues for other discussions; time with your mentor is time for personal development.\u00a0 Choose a brother\/sister who is committed to that with you.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Third, choose a mentor who is worth imitating.\u00a0 Why follow someone you wouldn\u2019t want to emulate in significant ways?\u00a0 However, he\/she should not be a person you idolize; sinful humans make bad deities.\u00a0 If you idolize your mentor, you will be tempted to say and do things merely to please him\/her instead of saying and doing the right things for the right reasons.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Fourth, choose a mentor who is strong where you are weak so you are not tempted to justify your poor habits and attitudes.\u00a0 By nature, we love hanging out with people who weak where we are weak; it makes our sinful natures comfortable; but that’s not really what we need in a mentor.<\/p>\n
Fifth, choose a mentor who is available and willing to meet with you regularly\u2014once or twice per month.\u00a0 There is an old saying that if you want something done, you need to ask a busy person to do it.\u00a0 While that may be true in some situations, keep in mind that overcommitted people usually make bad mentors for two reasons.\u00a0 First, their lives are often out of balance, making them poor models of wholehearted character.\u00a0 If taking you on as a mentee in this state, there is a good chance their motivation does not arise from the gospel.\u00a0 Second, they are most likely incapable of giving you the time and accountability needed to help you grow in wholehearted character.\u00a0 Busy mentors and mentees often try ad hoc<\/em> mentoring\u2014as needed, when needed.\u00a0 Unfortunately, \u201clet\u2019s just check in with each other once in a while\u201d almost always turns into, \u201cWow! \u00a0I haven\u2019t talked to my mentor in 4 months!\u201d\u00a0 Choose a mentor who has the bandwidth to add you into his\/her schedule.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Look for a mentor who is\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n
Gospel-centered<\/p>\n
Willing to challenge you<\/p>\n
Worth imitating<\/p>\n
Strong where you are weak<\/p>\n
Available and willing to meet regularly with you<\/p>\n
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<\/p><\/a>Photo by Irene Strong<\/a> on Unsplash<\/a><\/div>\n
Once you\u2019ve discovered someone who has these qualities, meet with him\/her and \u201cmake the ask.\u201d\u00a0 Clearly communicate your expectations with him\/her, using the traits listed above as a template.\u00a0 Tell him\/her exactly what you are looking for, rather than generalizing.\u00a0 For example, \u201cWould you meet with me twice per month for one hour to challenge me where I am weak and encourage me with the gospel?\u201d is much better than, \u201cI am just looking for a little personal encouragement once in a while.\u201d\u00a0 Unclear expectations often lead to disappointment with mentoring.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Make the mentor \u201cask\u201d:\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n
Clearly communicate expectations.<\/p>\n
Share exactly what you are looking for.<\/p>\n
The rest of this book shows you clearly what you should expect from a mentor as the following chapters prepare you to mentor others.\u00a0 For now, just get your mentoring relationship set up, renewed, or refocused.\u00a0 Ask your mentor to do the following with you when you meet:\u00a0<\/p>\n
Share a brief word of encouragement from the Bible.<\/p>\n
Invite you to confess any sin in your life that you want\/need to confess.<\/p>\n
Reassure you of God\u2019 forgiveness.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Help you make, revise, or renew a simple plan for regular devotional time with God, individually and with a group.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Hold you accountable to the plan you make by asking you about it at every meeting.<\/p>\n
Pray with and for you.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
This mentor arrangement doesn\u2019t need to be formal, but it does need to be intentional<\/em>.\u00a0 If a mentor is doing his\/her job correctly, you will not always be extra eager to meet with him\/her.\u00a0 Remember, we often convict ourselves when we need to be comforted and comfort ourselves when we need to be convicted.\u00a0 Our sinful natures would rather avoid the voice of truth.\u00a0 It\u2019s like scheduling your yearly medical check-up.\u00a0 You won\u2019t ever feel like being poked and prodded for three hours.\u00a0 So, you must be intentional about it.\u00a0 That means scheduling a regular time to meet with your mentor (maybe even weekly or every other week) or scheduling the next meeting before leaving the current meeting with him\/her.<\/p>\n
What If I Can\u2019t Find a Mentor?<\/h3>\n
Maybe, after reading the previous section, you immediately began looking for a mentor but no one seems qualified or available right now.\u00a0 What should you do?<\/p>\n
First, release any feelings of guilt or shame about this matter.\u00a0 Mentoring is not something commanded by God.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t find a mentor right now, maybe this is just not the right time.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Second, pray regularly that God would introduce the right person at the right time to mentor you.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Third, widen your search to include people you have not previously considered.\u00a0 As mentioned above, a mentor is not always someone you would initially choose; he\/she may be strong where you are weak, someone you might naturally overlook when first seeking a mentor.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
There is also another way to approach this issue:\u00a0 consider a peer coach.\u00a0 As mentioned previously, a gospel-centered mentor is often an older and\/or more-experienced Christian.\u00a0 A peer coach is usually someone who is in a similar life stage or shares several life-vocations with you.\u00a0 While a peer coach may not have a more experience than you, he\/she can fill a role like a mentor.\u00a0 He\/she can:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Share a brief word of encouragement from the Bible.<\/p>\n
Invite you to confess sin and reassure you of God\u2019 forgiveness.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Help you make, revise, or renew a simple plan for regular time with God.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Hold you accountable to the plan you make.<\/p>\n
Pray for you.<\/p>\n
As a peer coach to this person, you will also do the same for him\/her as you meet every week or every other week.<\/p>\n
As you look for a peer coach, ensure that, like a mentor, this person is gospel-centered, willing to challenge you, worth imitating, strong where you are weak (when possible), and available and willing to meet regularly.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Finally, some people feel awkward asking a brother\/sister to mentor them.\u00a0 Perhaps the mentoring relationship feels too one-sided, or they are afraid to impose on someone who is already busy.\u00a0 However, as Christians get older, they often have the desire to pour into others, to pass along to others some of the life lessons they have learned (often the hard way).\u00a0 They are often eager for someone to ask them for help.\u00a0 So, don\u2019t be afraid to ask.<\/p>\n
Activity:\u00a0 Prepare Yourself for Gospel-Centered Mentoring<\/h3>\n
It\u2019s your turn to prepare yourself for gospel-centered mentoring by becoming a gospel-centered model and finding your own mentor.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n
Step One:\u00a0 Become a Gospel-Centered Model<\/strong><\/p>\n
Evaluate the nature and quality of your regular devotional time with God in meditation and prayer individually and together with your brothers and sisters, using the following questions:\u00a0<\/p>\n
What has gone well so far in my regular devotional time with God?\u00a0<\/p>\n
What needs improvement in my regular devotional time with God?\u00a0<\/p>\n
What will I do differently in my regular devotional time with God going forward?\u00a0<\/p>\n
Step Two:\u00a0 Find Your Own Mentor<\/strong><\/p>\n
After reviewing the \u201ctraits to look for in a mentor\u201d (listed above), write out the names of two or three people who have those traits.\u00a0 If you already have a formal or informal mentor, write out his\/her name and areas where you might need to articulate your needs to him\/her.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Then, \u201cmake the ask\u201d this week:\u00a0 ask one of the people you listed to mentor you and explain everything to them; or, if you already have a mentor, share with him\/her how you would like him\/her to adjust\/enhance his\/her mentoring relationship with you.\u00a0<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n[1]<\/a> This is generally only possible for someone who regularly immerses him\/herself in God\u2019s Word, not just professionally, but personally.<\/p>\n
Next: Nurture a Meaningful Relationship with the Mentee<\/em><\/p>\n
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Author Matthew Doebler\u2019s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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In addition to your regular devotional time with God, it\u2019s important to have your own mentor.\u00a0 Here\u2019s a useful mantra for any Christian who seeks to mentor others:\u00a0 \u201cEvery Paul has his Timothy; and every Timothy, his Paul\u201d (see 2 Timothy 1:1-14).\u00a0 If you are going to mentor others, your \u201cTimothys,\u201d it is wise for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"WB4WB4WP_MODE":"","WB4WP_PAGE_SCRIPTS":"","WB4WP_PAGE_STYLES":"","WB4WP_PAGE_FONTS":"","WB4WP_PAGE_HEADER":"","WB4WP_PAGE_FOOTER":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-371","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gospel-centered-mentoring"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/matthewdoebler.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/371"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/matthewdoebler.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/matthewdoebler.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matthewdoebler.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matthewdoebler.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=371"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/matthewdoebler.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/371\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":379,"href":"https:\/\/matthewdoebler.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/371\/revisions\/379"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/matthewdoebler.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=371"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matthewdoebler.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=371"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matthewdoebler.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=371"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}