Sometimes, distance or other complications make it difficult to meet with mentees face-to-face. If you want to keep a pattern of bi-weekly mentor sessions, you may need to meet with them online.[1] Understandably, many mentors who are compelled to meet online mourn the loss of sitting across the table from their mentees, looking them in the eye, reading their body language, and enjoying their company. However, if your only option is meeting online, how do you overcome the disadvantages and maximize your time? Here are some tips.
Before the meeting, check internet speed and connectivity in your location; ask the mentee to do the same. Check your equipment, especially your speakers, headphones, and microphone. Ask your mentee to do the same. Nothing makes an awkward online setting feel unbearable more than a terrible connection or a crackling mic.
Ask the mentee to set up his/her computer or phone in a location that is private and free from distractions. Be sure you do the same. Consider wearing headphones and encouraging your mentee to do the same to assist with confidentiality; the sound of a voice speaking through a computer or phone speaker carries farther than people realize. Your spouse or roommate may overhear your conversation.[2]
Shutdown unnecessary apps/programs and silence notifications so you are less tempted to check on other matters during the meeting. You will also not distract mentees by all the beeps and buzzes on your device. Note that attentive mentees notice when you are surfing apps or checking email; they can easily spot it in your eyes moving around the screen.
If you are feeling nervous about meeting online, your mentees may be too. Be honest with them about it; they may be relieved that they are not the only ones.
During times of discomfort about meeting online, use the mentor session process in this book exactly as you learn it until you are more comfortable with the setting. In uncertain situations, it’s better to stick with what you know. There will be plenty of opportunities to customize the way you facilitate mentor sessions in the future.
Ask the mentee to keep his/her camera on throughout the session (if it is appropriate and possible) and keep your camera on as well. Even though you are seeing your mentee through a screen, you can still catch much of his/her body language and emotional cues. Consider using “speaker view,” so the video of the mentee fills much of the screen when he/she is speaking.
Don’t be so disappointed in the online platform that you rush the session along or subconsciously skip true relational connection because you are convinced that it’s inferior. Slow things down. Ask the mentee about his/her life, his/her highs and lows. Make it more a conversation than a formal meeting, especially because online platforms tend to put us all into “meeting mode.”
While taking notes about the meeting can be helpful, try to avoid noisy typing or giving the impression that you are surfing on your phone. Additionally, try to record only key thoughts instead of typing/writing everything so you can maintain eye contact with the mentee. It may be helpful to let him/her know you are taking notes, e.g. “You may occasionally hear me typing on my keyboard or see me on my phone. I am just taking a few notes; I am not surfing the net.”
Instead of setting up unrealistic expectations about the quality of meeting online, expect challenges and roll with them. Most adults today are quite used to online meetings and the challenges that accompany them. They will not be overly discouraged by a frozen camera or the need to repeat themselves occasionally when the internet connection is weak.
At the end of each of the first few meetings, ask the mentee to share one or two ways that meeting online could be improved.[3]
Next: Prepare Your Heart for the Session
[1] As a rule, meeting over the phone is discouraged because it is difficult to read a mentee’s expressions and body language; but sometimes it cannot be avoided.
[2] Some of my mentees have been right in their kitchen with kids running around or mom making food in the background. That’s not a great setting for an online meeting unless they have no other choice.
[3] A useful article in generating ideas for this section: https://www.catalyst14.co.uk/blog/online-coaching-tips