Sainted professor John Jeske liked to tell the story of a little boy who feared the dark. Every night, he woke up in a panic and cried out for his parents. Mom would rush in to soothe him and assure him that he was safe because God was there with him. Finally, one night just as she reminded him of God’s presence, he blurted out, “But I want someone with skin on!” Professor Jeske used this story to illustrate why Jesus became human to be our Savior.
Let’s take this illustration a step further. When Jesus ascended bodily into heaven, he left his church behind as “someone with skin on,” flesh and blood people to be His hands, ears, and voice to the world. In other words, we are Christ’s representatives as though He “were making his appeal through us,” as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:20. Martin Luther said we are the masks God wears as He ministers to the world. That’s why Christian coach Tony Stolzfus defines coaching (or mentoring) as “standing in for God.”
Consider all the ways a mentor can “stand in for God” in a mentee’s life: accountability, forgiveness, encouragement, insight (a view from the outside), urging, comforting, listening, and highlighting the good. God works through law and gospel to facilitate these activities of grace; but these activities are usually carried out through his human servants. Though mentees may have many people in their lives who provide some of these benefits at various times and in various ways, a mentor regularly “stands in for God” to help mentees purposefully focus on their personal growth.
The following are some ways you can “Stand in for Christ” during a mentor session.
Reassure the Mentee of God’s Forgiveness
The encouragement phase is a perfect time for mentees to confess their sins and for you to assure them of forgiveness. James says, “…confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (5:16). However, it may never have occurred to mentees that they could confess their sins to you, or it is not something they would do naturally without an invitation. Since confession and absolution can facilitate a healing process for mentees, here are a few ways to encourage them into that habit with you:
Ask them, “Have you confessed your sins to God this week? Would you like to?”
Suggest that they jot their sins/confession down on a piece of paper. Then share God’s forgiveness and have them tear or burn up the sheet.
Ask them, “Do any of these describe you?” and give them a list of common sins, such as people-pleasing, seeking security in something other than God, excessive worry.
Have them periodically take an assessment that identifies their personal idols or self-lies. (Check out these related resources from Crosstrain Coaching! Scroll down to find them.)
Mentees may be reluctant to confess their sin because they are afraid to lose your respect, especially if you are in a position of authority or influence.[2] In such cases, try to remind them regularly that you are also a sinful person who needs to repent daily; that true freedom does not come from the appearance of godliness but from the certainty of the gospel; and that you will not judge them nor share their sin with others.
If a mentee wants/needs to confess any sin, give him the opportunity to do so and then assure him of Christ’s forgiveness. Make sure you specifically and clearly assure him of God’s forgiveness, rather than tell him “it’s okay” or, worse yet, remain silent, figuring it was enough for him to “get it off his chest.” Point him specifically to Christ. Consider following up later in the week to remind him of the gospel.
Redirect the Mentee
Deal with simple doctrinal clarifications or redirection of unhealthy emphases and behaviors that you have observed in the mentee’s life. There is generally not enough time to deal with major issues during this phase; that should be scheduled for another time. But if you notice that the mentee has made some small mistakes, you can correct her here and then reassure her of the gospel.
Restore the Mentee’s Perspective
Many mentees are used to only enumerating their mistakes and inadequacies when they are invited to self-evaluate.[3] This can lead to feelings of excessive guilt, shame, or depression because all they can recall are their failures; they don’t praise God for their blessings and successes. Remember the mentee at the beginning of this chapter who could not think of a single thing that was going well in his life!
As a result, you may find it useful to ask some mentees to start the encouragement phase by telling you 2 or 3 things that are going well or 2 or 3 ways that God blessed them since your previous session. This helps change their perspective to be more hopeful.
Activity: Fill up the Mentee with Encouragement
It’s your turn to fill up the mentee with encouragement by beginning the mentor session in a relaxed way, by sharing a devotional thought with the mentee, and by standing in for Christ as needed.
Step One: Begin the Session in a Relaxed Way
Write down a “high” and “low” for the last week. What benefit do you see in opening a mentor session with this?
Write down five fun questions you could ask your mentee as you begin the mentor session. Search for some on the internet if you need to.
Step Two: Share a Devotional Thought
Choose one of the two following activities:
Write down the major thoughts of a devotion that that you received from a mentor, pastor, or teacher in the past; then share why it was so impactful for you.
Or else,
Write down a devotional thought you have had recently during your own devotions; then share some applications that you could make for mentees.
Step Three: Stand in for Christ
Think back to a time when a brother or sister confessed a sin to you. Describe your response: What did you do well? What could have used improvement? What will you do differently next time? Or, share a time when you confessed a sin to another Christian and evaluate their response using the same three questions.
[2] Even more if your mentee is from a culture characterized by greater power-distance.
[3] This is magnified in certain cultures.