Many people believe the old American proverb: “practice makes perfect.” In other words, if you practice a skill long enough (e.g., learning to play the piano), you will eventually perfect that skill. However, this proverb is partially incorrect. Here is the truth: if you continually practice something incorrectly, you will eventually learn it perfectly incorrect. For example, some American adults write their letters incorrectly because, when they were in grade school, their teachers made them practice repeatedly but did not adequately correct them. Incorrect practice led to perfectly incorrect penmanship, and it is nearly impossible to change now.
It is more accurate and helpful to say, “evaluated practice makes perfect.” In other words, when you practice a skill/habit, spending time to evaluate what you have done with a good mentor, leader, or coach helps you improve toward true mastery.
If you want to help mentees master different skills and form godly habits, regular evaluation is necessary because evaluated practice makes perfect.[1] Thus, the next phase of the mentor session is to review the mentee’s progress on his/her personal goals and action steps.[2]
Ask Three Review Questions
Reviewing the mentee’s progress starts with a simple statement, “Let’s review your action steps from our previous meeting.” Often, this makes mentees uncomfortable because they may be disappointed in or uncertain about their progress.
As mentioned previously, Christians sometimes have difficulty seeing the good things that God is doing in their lives. They also have difficulty seeing progress that the Holy Spirit has helped them make.
Quite often mentees will share something like this with their mentors: “My plan was to read a chapter of the Bible every day, but I only got to it three days last week.” They make it sound like they totally failed. But what can they give God thanks for? What actually went well? Perhaps, before making a plan, they weren’t reading the Bible at all; and last week, they read it for three days! That’s huge progress! Although they hoped to achieve more, they can give thanks for the Holy Spirit’s work in their lives. That is what is going well!
So, as you review mentees’ progress on their plans, start by asking, “What went well?” This question is not designed to encourage bragging—“Look at what I did,”—but to help them thank God for their blessings and to rejoice that they are progressing by his power. It also reminds them that you are “on their side.” Your goal is not to criticize them but to encourage them. Rejoice with them in what went well! Praise God for them![1]
Usually, mentees who review their progress this way realize that they have performed better than they initially assumed. However, there is always room for improvement. Even the most excellent workout routine or a successful week of prayer could be better.[2] So, help mentees evaluate and learn from their experience by asking the question, “What needs improvement?” This compels mentees to evaluate their own work carefully. Most mentees are smart enough and self-aware enough to assess how they could improve their performance of a goal or action step. Also, if mentees answer this question themselves, it is easier for them to own responsibility for their progress than if you answered it for them. When they answer, these are their own ideas. If you answer the question for them, those are your ideas, and it may be more difficult for mentees to accept them. There certainly is a time for you to give advice and suggestions for improvement, but generally the best method is to let mentees decide what needs improvement.
Finally, ask mentees, “What will you do differently next time?” This helps mentees turn their notion that something could be improved into concrete action for the future. The assessment that “My devotion time kept getting interrupted by the kids waking up in the morning,” can turn into, “I will get up at 5:30am and finish my devotions by 6:00am before the kids wake up.”
Sometimes the questions, “What needs Improvement” and “What will you do different next time” seem too similar to mentor and mentees. But the first one is just an evaluation; the second requires a concrete plan: the mentee decides exactly what she will do differently next time and makes a plan for it. For example, if the mentee says, “I spoke too quickly because I was nervous,” that is an evaluation. If she says, “Next time, I am going to take three deep, calming breaths before I begin to speak,” that is a concrete plan. First, she needs to evaluate what needs improvement; then, she can decide what specific improvement she will make next time.
Ask the Three “WIN” Questions about the Mentee’s Progress
W – What went WELL?
I – What needs IMPROVEMENT?
N – What will you do differently NEXT TIME?
Give mentees sufficient time to answer these questions as completely as they can. Even if they feel like nothing went well, encourage them to find something good to give God thanks for. Even if they have completed their action steps or goal marvelously, encourage them to consider how they can improve the next time they do something similar.
Celebrate with Your Mentees
In some cultures, celebrating personal victories and accomplishments is discouraged as an arrogant or useless practice for achieving our ultimate goals. However, Christians have good reason to celebrate personal victories and accomplishments, not because they are so competent in themselves, but because God has done great things in them, through them, and for them (1 Corinthians 15:10; 2 Corinthians 3:4-6; Luke 1:48,49). So, when mentees succeed in completing their actions steps or accomplishing a goal, or even when they are making progress in that direction, celebrate with them. “Great job!” “I can see God working powerfully in you and through you!” “I am so proud of what God is doing in your life!”
[1] Coaching expert Dr. Shawn Kirk recommends breaking this question down into two parts: “What went well (with the action step, event, project, etc.)?” And then, “What did you do well?” This gives the mentee an opportunity to recognize what went well overall, and specifically what the mentee did well since these are two different ways of viewing the same situation and may lead to more insights for the mentee.
[2] Even after I had been preaching for 8 years, one brother would give me written feedback after every sermon. It was a blessing to help me improve.
[1] Of course, this is not ultimately true in a moral or even performative sense. We can always improve.
[2] Obviously, you will skip this step if it is your first time mentoring them.