Welcome to our three-part series introducing a simple gospel-centered mentoring method that can be used to give inquisitive Christians a powerful taste of the blessings of mentoring.
I believe that the most effective gospel-centered mentoring develops through training and experience. That’s why I’ve written a book and two courses about gospel-centered mentoring. And yet, I think that nearly any Christian can begin mentoring today, especially in situations and organizations where they just need to get started somewhere.[1] All it takes is a simple process, a heart that values listening over speaking, and a little preparation. Experienced leaders should be able to learn that process in thirty minutes and carry it out in thirty to sixty minutes with any mentee. Thus, the title of this short series: “the Thirty-Minute Mentor.”
A Simple Process
While my forthcoming book, Gospel-Centered Mentoring, and my Udemy course lay out five phases for a mentor session, here I offer you a simple 3-step process to start mentoring today: 1) Highs and lows; 2) Bible sharing; 3) Prayer. This whole process should only take 30-60 minutes.
Step 1: Highs and Lows
After initial chitchat, the mentor asks the mentee, “Please share one or two highs from your week and one or two lows.” While this is a common ice breaker exercise, some mentees may have questions at your first couple of sessions:
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“What is a ‘high’ and what is a ‘low’?” Answer: A “high” is anything that went well for you this week, something that moves you to thank and praise God. A “low” is anything that went badly or was a big challenge.[2]
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“Do you want to know about my highs and lows at home, work, gospel ministry, or what?” Answer: Whatever is on your mind; no restrictions. By taking an open approach, you assure your mentee that this is not a performance check-up or a vocational interrogation. You are a fellow pilgrim in God’s Kingdom.
Let the mentee share as much as she wants; there’s no need to stick to one or two highs and lows unless you are on a schedule. Just ensure that you don’t short-change the next two steps by spending too much time here.
Step 2: Bible Sharing
Christians with a healthy conscience generally know what they should do or should have done. But they often forget what God has done for them. I don’t mean they literally forget it, but the uplifting melody of the gospel is often drowned out in the cacophony of guilt, shame, busyness, and obligation. “Jesus loves me, this I know,” becomes “Jesus kinda likes me once in a while, this I hope.” Even after 5 decades as His child, I still doubt his unfailing love. And, as I point out in other places, we are so close to our own life situation that we often cannot see the gospel for ourselves even when it is underlined clearly on the pages of our Bible. This is exceptionally true for gospel ministers who spend most of their waking hours applying God’s grace to others. Their devotions can easily become mercenary, as they consider how to turn His Word into a devotion, sermon illustration, or Bible class, rather than absorbing and applying his truth to their own lives.
Regardless our vocations, we need to hear the gospel from others. That is why Christ said, “Go and preach the good news” rather than, “just hand out Bibles.” When we say, “faith comes from hearing the message,”[3] we don’t mean that people can only come to faith through preaching (vs. reading the Scriptures on their own), but it does remind us how important audible proclamation is to God. Consider how many times the Psalmists talk about speaking God’s marvelous deeds to others. “Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me”[4] –and this to people who had already reviewed the Lord’s deeds every week since they nursed at Mommy’s breast.
My mom once visited me at college. As she was leaving she informed me, in a very gentle way, “Your whole dorm building smells pretty bad.” I had been living in it so long that I no longer noticed the stink. Strangely enough, the same thing can happen with pleasant smells. The flower shop employee sometimes forgets the calming scents of her environment until a customer strolls into the building, takes a deep breath, and lets out a sigh of contentment. Just as we often need people to point out the sinful stink of our lives since we are so used to it, so we often need people to remind us of the fragrant gospel that sweetens our lives.
During Step 2 of the Thirty-Minute Mentor process, take time to share a gospel-predominant Bible message with the mentee to comfort him and charge him up for life in Christ. We will return to this in Part 3.
Dr. Matthew Doebler, God’s Somebody, serves as professor at Asia Lutheran Seminary and missionary for the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod. He is passionate about four M’s: mentoring, missiology, multiplication, and ministry of the gospel. As a mentor with over 10 years of experience and a coaching certification from NACC, he is committed to equipping others to develop into wholehearted followers of Christ who rest in Him fully and reflect Him faithfully. He is the author of “God Loves Nobodies: Good News for Somebody Like Me”, the forthcoming “Gospel-Centered Mentoring,” and an introduction to Gospel-Centered Mentoring course on Udemy. He also co-hosts the missiology podcast, “Jesus and Jetlag” (available on Spotify and Apple) He is blessed to be the friend, lover, and coworker of Christine, father to five (two by marriage), and grandfather of 2 beautiful little ones.
[1] For example, a fellow missionary recently asked me how to help a group of local church leaders get started with mentoring. Apparently, they are not being mentored (at least not formally), nor have they intentionally mentored others before, but they sense that mentoring is an important element of training their ministry apprentices. This presents a conundrum. To be an effective mentor, you need to be mentored, as I like to say, “Every Timothy, a Paul; every Paul, a Timothy.” If you want to raise up “Timothys,” it is best if you have a “Paul” who is supporting and encouraging you.
I could think of two possible solutions: 1) Either find some outsiders (missionaries or experienced church leaders in another culture) to mentor them until they learn how to mentor others; or 2) match the leaders up by twos to mentor each other and “taste” the benefits for themselves. The first solution is a challenging because most of them cannot speak English well, and there currently aren’t any missionaries who speak their language available. The second solution is also problematic: if church leaders mentor each other without experiencing mentoring themselves first, won’t the experience just be a little bit of “the blind leading the blind”?
However, for this second solution, I suggested that perhaps we just give the leaders a simple process to get them started so they would catch the flavor of mentoring and be fired up to offer to others what they have experienced.
[2] These are also known as “blessings and challenges” or, as one friend likes to say, “happies and crappies.”
[3] Romans 10:17
[4] Psalm 66:16