I was intrigued by the following article written by my son, Sam, on his blog Dreaming Dragonslayer. I think mentors will find it useful for helping mentees not only talk about making changes, especially in areas plagued by automatic habits, but taking the important steps toward that change. The article has been edited and modified slightly for this blog. Enjoy.
When you recall your day, you might boil it down to some actions you took, some things that happened to you, and how you felt about those things. Let’s focus on actions because what happens to you is less in a person’s control and how you feel about those things is a lesson in Stoicism we can save for another time.
Your actions, especially online, can be broken down into interactions with tools.
You likely have a routine of tools you open when you boot up your computer or tablet or phone: web browser, Discord, Spotify, email, blog reader—what have you.
It’s automatic. Trained.
Stimulus: turn on computer. Response: open Reddit.
We’ve all gone on social media, seen something sad or enraging, and it changes the rest of our day.
But changing stimuli and responses is hard.
For example, whenever I feel a bit snacky, I wander over to the pantry. Stimulus and response. I can’t exactly change this chain without taking drastic or odd measures (blocking off my pantry, constructing a maze to make it difficult, put a sign on the door to wake me from my unconsciousness, etc.).
But I can change what my response gives me access to. In the example of the pantry, I can control what snacks are in the pantry so that I make good, healthy choices.
Let’s take YouTube as our next example (because that is essentially a pantry of media). You wander by it just by typing “you” in your search bar and the browser just takes over, filling in the rest.
If you want to avoid spending those thirty to one-hundred-twenty minute binges that can follow that response, listen up.
You need to change what’s in the pantry every time you wander over.
Enter the tool that has changed my life: the Unhook App.
This chrome extension curates the YouTube experience. How? By making YouTube BLANK.
So I still type YouTube into my machine but this is what I see when get there:
Empty pantry.
Now with food it’s a different story: I NEED food, but I don’t NEED media. At least, not nearly in the same way. So empty it shall stay.
So now here’s the chain:
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Stimulus: on the computer, Response: click onto YouTube
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Stimulus: see a blank page, THE GAP, Response: up to me
THE GAP allows for a real choice. I sit there and think, “Now, what did I actually want to look up? Why did I come here again?” And I reach for health(ier) choices…instead of clicking cancerous YouTube shorts or recommended videos that I half-chose to immerse myself in. And then give myself a chance to think, “Actually, I didn’t really want to watch something. It was just an automatic response. I should go read some non-fiction or work on that creative project I’ve been avoiding.”
That small change…multiplied over three or more days a week…for years…
How’s that for a Back to the Future timeline?
So what’s are the blackhole pantries in your life? Could be the actual pantry, could be that blasted lightning-glass device you carry in your pocket all day, could be your work machine…
And what about those things you need to encourage? What tools or changes will get you there?